another comprehensive list.


1) First kisses with someone new (or just full on make-outs on the street).

2) Never having to wear heels.

3) Carrot juice.

4) Realizing that my pants fit a little looser than they did last week.

5) Yelling at kids to 'pick up yer fuckin' garbage, and get the hell off my property!'

6) Finding out I'm really a morning person, and that I've just been repressing it with years of staying out too late.

7) Unexpected deals at the supermarket. And no, I don't mean stealing.


1) Periodically missing smoking, even though the exposure to it now makes me sick.

2) People who get angry when I constantly apologize for things. Um... maybe I AM legitimately sorry, dickfarmer. Fuck.

3) Finding mold on the bread when I'm already halfway through the loaf.

4) Loving everything about a movie except for the ending.

5) Never finding anything good when I Google my own name. I mean, not like I think I'm so awesome and that there should be volumes about me out there... it's just disappointing to find that I'm really fucking boring.

6) Not knowing where certain smells are coming from in my home.

7) People who won't shake hands with me. I don't have herpes, motherfucker. Also, I always carry a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse. You can borrow it after you've shaken my obviously diseased hand. Fuckface.