i have a feeling...

... that there are people who will NEVER realize just how loud they talk until someone makes a recording and plays it back to them. A good rule to go by is that if you can hear yourself but not anybody else, you probably talk too fucking loudly.

cop out post: hot dogs are my fave.



why i'm a bad friend, and not the same thing, part 5.

To be honest, I'm not the greatest friend ever. I don't mean that in the sense that I'm never there to help out when asked, or that I don't have the backs of my friends when someone threatens to dishonor them, but more in the way that I am that friend who really only appeals to a very specific sort of person. I'm kind of a jerk unless I'm around people like myself.

I know, right? You hate people like me; people with very few social graces. In fact, I hate people like me, because who really likes an asshole? I'm not sure what makes me this way, but I suspect that it's my relatively short attention span. I'm very bad at being invited to things where I am stuck being in one location for longer than 4 hours (I am a horrible dinner party guest, and usually take off right after dessert). I'm even worse at group activities where I am forced to mingle with the 'other' friends (this is not really my fault, though, because there is a reason that you are NEVER to let your separate groups of friends mingle), because I ALWAYS seem to find that one person I just can't see eye-to-eye with on anything within the first 5 seconds, and end up arguing with that person the whole time. I have trouble dealing with anybody as stubborn as myself, anybody who I have concluded is too stupid to bother conversing with, people who give me the vibe that they think they are better than I am, people who wear their political affiliations on their sleeves (I don't do politics), people who try to use religion as a common ground (I'm non-religious), and it all usually ends with me sitting in a corner drinking beer all by myself. To add insult to injury, I ALSO am that friend who promises to attend this or that, then unceremoniously bails on the day of the event because there's something else she'd rather do. Folks, it appears I am THAT friend. For the most part, it doesn't affect me in a negative way. I am fortunate enough to have a group of friends who are smart and independent, and we don't really rely on eachother for anything but the occasional get-together for a few drinks and a bite to eat, paired with meaningful (or not at all) conversation. So maybe there's no real harm done, since the stereotypical 'bad friend' probably doesn't even register in my social circle. But just in case, I am a GOOD friend because I will probably punch someone in the face for you (loyal), I eat meat (okay to invite over for a meal because I'm not one of those picky fuckers), I have a car (I can help you move... but ask first, don't assume), I always smell really nice (everybody likes a friend with good personal hygiene), and I have good hair. I'm not sure why having good hair would make me a good friend, but I assure you that it does. Trust me.


Not the same thing (part 5):



You know, just in case there was ever any confusion. I can't really imagine why there would be.



parents are good at one thing...

So, you all know that I'm holed up in my folks' basement while I shop around for condos/houses to buy. It's really not a bad deal all in all... the free dog-sitting is nice, and also the not-currently-having-bills-to-pay-other-than-car-related thing.
But what IS it about parents and food? By that I mean that parents ALWAYS seem to think you are starving/not eating enough/not eating the right things/just not interested in food. Mine are like that, anyway. Seriously, half the time I enter my mom's frame of view, she hands me a banana. "You need to eat this" she says. Um... okay. Random banana that I just 'need' to eat. In fact, having them around means that I am pretty much 'not allowed' to skip meals (it's easier at lunch time because I'm usually at work, so they'll never know whether or not I actually consumed anything). And after meals, they are always handing me some sort of fruit, like I'm not already full from the lasagna or meatloaf I just had a large plate of. On top of that my folks seem to think I'm starving, they always make comments about how I maybe could stand to lose a couple of pounds.

Oh. Okay...


Let me get this straight... you think I am malnourished, and yet I need to lose weight?

So, you see why I really need to find a great place to live sooner than later. Parents are awesome, but the one thing they really seem to excel at is making us fat.



Please click on the image below to enlarge it. I think it's pretty much the most important thing you'll do today. Well, maybe not THE most, but I guarantee it might be one of them. Okay, so I guarantee nothing. Just click on the fucking thing already.


not the same thing, part 4.

I may as well get this one out of the way now.

VEGAN cupcakes:


REGULAR cupcakes:

Okay, so I didn't bother to include an actual picture of a vegan cupcake, since it looks pretty much EXACTLY like a regular cupcake. Looks, however, are the beginning and the end of the similarity... because vegan cupcakes taste like fucking dog food.
And I mean that to be as though I know what dog food tastes like (I don't know). And by that, I mean that vegan cupcakes are a nasty, nasty deception. Yes, I get that not everybody wants to or can partake in animal-based products, but the main reason that real cupcakes taste so good has to do with one ingredient that is completely absent for their animal-friendly counterparts. Butter. Yep. Take the butter out of the equation and it tastes like sugary cardboard dog food. So don't be fooled by their good looks, vegan cupcakes are exactly how they sound. Disgusting.


(alien cupcake pic courtesy Natalie Dee: http://www.nataliedee.com/)


not the same thing, part 3.


Well, okay, so technically they're one and the same... but shit, son. That's some bad aging right there.


newest fave twitter 'fail' page...

For serious? Weirdo talking ice cream cone with useless/perchance mute caterpillar sidekick? Fuck, yes.


not the same thing, part 2.


I had these two roommates who would constantly confuse the two. In hindsight, I think they were doing it on purpose to piss me off. Assholes.

not the same thing, part 1.

These are NOT the same thing:




Any questions? Yeah, didn't think so.


important things to know.

'I saw' NOT 'I seen'.

'I used to do...' NOT 'I use to do...'.

People who use UR in lieu of your/you're (and I'm talking outside of text messaging here... these people actually write in-office emails this way) only do so because they have NO IDEA which one they're supposed to use.

No, it is not EYE-talian. It never is.

If you're not sure how to pronounce something, ask first.

No, you may not listen to your iPod through earphones while driving a car.

Wearing a smaller shoe won't actually make your foot smaller. Just accept that you are a woman with size 10 feet already.

'I' before 'E', except after 'C' doesn't actually work in all cases (for example, 'WEIRD').

Ordering a diet coke with your double Big Mac meal doesn't make it healthier for you to eat.

No, you cannot still call yourself a vegetarian if you eat fish.

I don't trust anybody over the age of 25 who still doesn't own a dictionary.



i don't want bobby learning about fishes what grow legs, or gays.

Evolution classes optional under proposed Alberta law

Okay... while I am admittedly at times NOT the most liberal-minded person on Earth, I think this is stupid. I get that parents would ideally like their kids to grow up with their exact set of beliefs and principles, but to have the ability to deny them knowledge about topics as common as religion, and the theory of evolution? Please. I was a kid once, and I didn't really have a choice where learning about these things was concerned. When I grew older, I made up my own mind about everything that had been taught to me over the years, and either accepted it or called bullshit. The point is, kids will grow up to be whoever they are going to be eventually. There is very little parents can do to control that (outside of locking them in a basement closet, and feeding them minimally on water and gruel), so let them learn something. I obviously didn't agree with everything I learned over the course of my education with the Catholic School system, but at least learning about it allowed me to make up my mind WHY I didn't agree with it, rather than having my parents say "We don't believe in this stuff, you don't get to hear about it". Yes, religion is mostly smokescreens and snake oil, in my opinion, but that doesn't mean kids shouldn't learn about it first. And to those parents who want this bill to pass, give your heads a shake... or just fucking pull your kids out of the school system altogether and start the new Jonestown. You know you wanna.