pretty smart

What can I say... a lot of heavy stuff has gone down since I last posted. Won't go into detail, 'cause that's not my style. It's always pretty humbling when shit gets real, let me tell ya... so I'm just thankful to have some really fantastic people around me to stop me from hitting the ground too hard.

Anyway. This isn't going to be a long, meandering post like some of the previous ones. Just a little 'to the point story'.

I used to be friends with this girl when I was a kid. She was my childhood best friend, and we were best friends   until we were around 24. She always used to say we were pretty much the same person, except that she was 'the smart one' and I was 'the pretty one'. That didn't really bother me for a long time, because I figured there were much worse things than being pretty. She would always interject with it, too, whenever we were out somewhere and introducing ourselves to new people. I let it go on for years, and never questioned it. Until the day when we weren't friends anymore. Over the years, she trivialized and abused our friendship, and I was stupidly and loyally happy to oblige. I am not a patient person by any means, but back then I thought that friendship was the be all end all. And you know what, it still is to me... but only with the right people. With the wrong people, it's poison. With the wrong people, it steals your soul and breaks you. This girl did that to me- slept with my boyfriends, said terrible things about me behind my back, more than once threw me to the fucking lions so she could save herself. It could have tainted my view on friendship, but instead it left me with a realization. The reason she treated me so badly and always dismissed me as 'the pretty one'? She was always jealous that I was both things. The smart AND pretty one. She couldn't be both, so she turned it against me.

Lesson...don't surround yourself with bullshit people like that. It isn't worth your time. Just be you. When you're surrounded by quality people, they will accept you as you are, and they will never use any of it to try to drag you down.


get up in the morning, give it your all

Basically, in 2009 and 2010 I was the worst friend ever. No, really, I was. But you know that. You were probably ditched or bailed on by me on various occasions, and to be honest, I didn't have a good excuse or reason. I was just being shitty.

This year, though, I've really been trying to get over myself finally. I kind of thought I had gotten over myself a couple years ago... but that was sort of bullshit. It's tough, for sure. Still, I'm getting a little better about not bailing on people. I have a hard time making and sticking to plans because I've never not been spontaneous... but I'm definitely getting better at it.

I spent the bulk of 2009-2010 hating being in this city. At that point, I really wanted out. For like the 254796th time. What I came to realize at the start of this year is that it wasn't the city I hated- it was the direction my life had taken. You know that saying 'Not all who wander are lost'? It's true sometimes, but not for me. I was lost. Somewhere along the way, I turned into someone unfamiliar. My family, of course, was ecstatic because they don't understand who I am... they just figured I was becoming responsible, and getting my shit together. But I looked at myself in the mirror on the daily and was like, 'How the fuck did I even get here?'. And suddenly, I realized that I couldn't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. I've dedicated a large chunk of my life to trying to keep everyone around me happy. I can't escape that; it's in my framework, much the way other things like loving difficult people, and having commitment issues are. But now, more than ever, I realize that you can't please everyone all the time. It just isn't possible. And when you focus too much on that, you lose the real focus which is yourself. I mean, do I love my family? Hells yeah. But I'm so done with trying to be the kind of person that they want me to be. As much as I want to be sorry about how much of a disappointment it must be to them, I'm not. Do I regret pretending for so long? Yeah, for sure. But even though there's now a lot of uncertainty about the direction my life will take in the next couple of years, I'm starting to feel like myself again for the first time in a long time. I can totally look in the mirror now and not see a complete stranger staring back.

The most obvious sign of it is that recently I've been a hell of a lot more appreciative of my friends. Spending time with them instead of pretending I have something better to do with my time, but in reality just sitting alone in my apartment watching shit TV, and feeling sorry for myself. In particular, the friends who have seen me through the last half decade... because it's been a motherfucking journey and a half. You guys have always been the least judgemental of me, and I have been pretty terrible to you at times. But you've always known that I'm better than that, and I guess what I'm saying is that your belief in me has really helped me to transcend all of the bullshit and actually believe in myself again.

So yeah... 2011 has proven to be a rough year on many counts, and if I'm being honest, because of it a lot of shit is sort of hanging in the balance. But that's actually more of a blessing than a curse. It's up to me to take it to the next level, deal with my shit, and just be me from here on out. A better me. The best me, even. Thanks for hanging in there with me, guys. I'm more fucking grateful for that than you'll ever know.



black sheep

No big secret, I've always been the black sheep of the family. I grew up in this bizarre, upper middle class, well-rounded sort of way that always fit me awkwardly. I've generally gone through life trying to make everybody around me happy, trying to somehow make my family proud of me. But they've never been proud of me, as I usually fuck up everything I do. Even now that I have a well-paying 'career' (albeit, one that I've grown to dislike), they STILL aren't proud of me. They never asked me anything about my job back in the years when I actually enjoyed doing it, and now that I'm actively looking for something else, they tell me that I'm not seeing the big picture, and that I shouldn't be so ungrateful because not everybody gets 'handed' a career.

Sigh... okay, so here's the big thing I've been sitting on for years, and pretty much the only thing I have lied about to all of you... I didn't really fucking finish university.


Um... yeah. I've been fucking lying about it this whole time, and I feel like such a goddamned fraud.

Got a lot of the way through... but ended up dropping out because I was a really screwed up person at the time, and also a raging alcoholic. I really apologize that you guys need to read about this on the internet, because I should have just levelled with you to begin with. If I lose your respect and friendship, I deserve and accept it. I won't ask for your forgiveness... I'll just move on with the life I may have now just destroyed via my stupid blog.

I did finish a broadcasting diploma, but I let too much time slide between the point I graduated to the point where I should have been trying to look for work... and now, 10 years later, I am no longer employable in the industry.

I'm just one of those people for whom the world is a really big place, and the thought of getting tied down to any one thing for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me. For all I've tried to meet the expectations that everyone has of me, I can't. I know I'm supposed to want the sort of life where I live in this big house, and marry an engineer (or something equally as mundane), and have kids, and I don't have to worry about how the bills are going to get paid, and everything is awesome... but I don't want that. The closer it's seemed to get, the more I want absolutely nothing to do with it. And I mean no disrespect to those of you I know who do want that; I think it's a good way of life... for someone else.

I'm not happy unless I can do as I please. I'd like to start drawing again. Play more music. Listen to more music. Start my own shitty business. Drink with my friends (the ones I have left after this fucking rant). Dress up only when I feel like it. Get all those tattoos that I've been saving up for. Go back to Hawaii. Go to other places I haven't been yet. Go to those places with someone who hasn't been to them either. Go back to school. Learn how to do more things. Keep learning how to do things. Just keep being me. The real me.

One of the most fantastic people I have ever known- fantastic for the reason of having stuck it out as my friend for the past 5 years, and never having judged me even through the times when I was a horrible person to him- recently said something to me that I've really taken to heart:

"People say to never regret anything, but I say to use regrets as a focus to change the things you want to change... if you do that, it can spur you to do things you never would have done instead of always beating yourself up about the stuff you never did."

Best advice ever. From one black sheep to another. I could waste the rest of my life worrying about what you all think about me now... but I'm not going to. I have a lot of shit to figure out, a lot of my life left to live.

I'll see you out there... because there's no way in hell I'm staying in here forever.



the best things are like the best things ever

What up, blog readers (so, all five of you)? So, basically, I kinda hate using the word 'epic' (and even so, I find I use it way too much for stuff that actually is not), but today is the Monday after what I'd call an 'epic' weekend. In the past decade or so, I've struggled a lot with trying to be what I consider an 'adult-type person', but also with not losing my true self in the process. Every year, I make this huge declaration about wanting to move somewhere else (and a couple of times I actually have left), because 'Calgary sucks', and I 'just can't make this place my home, no matter how hard I try'.

Well, Calgary FINALLY fucking showed my ass what's what.

Friday, I had one of the best nights out in recent history. Drunken good times at the Ship with good pals, random pizza, lots of gin and tonics, shooters, a punk rock show, late night eats at the crack Sev, crashing on a friend's couch, and then a delicious almond croissant on the walk to my car. Whoa. Can't believe this 34-year-old body held on until 2:30 in the AM.

Saturday was a day of good eats and amazing surprises. Lunch with some old friends. Then dinner, which turned out to be WEDDING BOMB! That's right, dinner was in fact the surprise wedding of my good friends. And I second-guessed myself, so instead of dressing to the nines, I looked like I was going to a metal show (whoops). I introduced those kids a few years ago, and I am so stoked that they are now fucking married. You see, I really AM here to help. I love you guys- so glad I was there... even though I looked like a total banger. Two out of three, though, right? ;) I wish you guys nothing but the best; you deserve no less than that.

Early Sunday morning phone call from The Dirtbag. That kid NEVER phones me... turns out he and my bff had a drunken heart to heart (cool, by the way... I love my friends so much), and I think he's starting to realize the error of his ways. Normally, I'd be super pissed about a 1:30 in the morning phone call... particularly if I'm not still out and about. But then he gave this awkward little drunken speech, "Was talking to your friend about you... so I was thinking about you... and so I thought I would call you and tell you that...", and if that didn't sort of melt my goddamned heart. Ha. I guess there's just something about getting validation, no matter how it comes about. Oh man, life...

Sometimes the best things are right in front of you, and have been there all along. YYC, sorry it took me so long to see it. I think I kind of love it here after all, and I'm not ready to call it quits on you just yet.



bros before hos

First order of bidniz... yeah, I am getting rid of the *infamous* bro tat. For realsies. I'm waiting a couple paycheques, a car tuneup, and one mortgage payment more, then going in for a consult at Deadly Tattoos to figure out what's gonna cover that bitch up. For those who don't know, that stupid little Chinese character on my ankle (it means either 'ginger beef' or 'fuck you in Chinese' depending on the day or what mood I'm in) was acquired when I was eighteen with my BFF at the time (named Cam). I think we just did it because we were bored, but it seemed 'symbolic' or whatever. We did stay friends for a long time, but in more recent years he just kind of disappeared from my life. Sometimes I see him around still, but we really aren't friends anymore, and haven't been for some amount of time. I think I hung on to the tat not because of the whole 'bro' thing, but because what it actually is supposed to mean (and probably doesn't actually, but when you're eighteen, who's keeping track?) is 'strength'. Anybody who knows anything KNOWS I went through some major shit in my twenties. I had a lot of stuff happen, and I guess that any time something started to get really fucked up, I would look at my ankle and think, 'Oh yeah. Strength. Right.', and slowly things would start to sort themselves out.

But I'm ready to get rid of it because now it's just some old faded symbol of things I can't change. So it's time to focus on the things I still have left to do. Yeah... so bye bye, bro tat. It's been... well, it's been.


Secondly? Let's talk jobs. I used to like my job. You know, when it was fresh and new, and I still had a lot to learn, and they were more than willing to pay for work training and so on, so forth. But now, I've been here probably half a decade too long, and other than that I am currently completely reliant on the paycheque it provides, it is no longer a place I wish to be every morning of my godforsaken life.

Maybe the most fucked thing is that whenever I ask anybody for job leads, they always go back to the same old same old. Some shitty desk job where I'd be doing the exact same thing as I'm doing now. And honestly? I need a break from this. I was talking to some people the other day about the fact that I come from a family where they kind of expect me to have some respectable white collar job... but you know what the most rewarding work I ever did was? Manual labor. Not a word of a lie. I used to install lawns (and golf greens, etc.) for a living. I'd get up at the ass crack of dawn, drive my crappy old Chevy boat down to the yard, then jump into crew cab to drive off to the job site of the day. And I'd usually pull 12 hour days, at least. Dirty work, too, not the type of job you'd necessarily want to do if you can't stand being hands and knees down in the mud all day, every day. At the basis of all of this, I guess I'm just a lot more blue collar than I've been led to believe that I supposed to be. The point is, I actually sort of liked that job because at least by the time I got home, showered up, and cracked that first beer, I felt I'd earned it.

Right now? Fuck... I'm writing a blog post. I've earned nothing. I don't even deserve that shitty can of Black Label that's in the very back of the fridge. I sit in my corner office, and I'm lucky if half the time anybody even remembers I'm here. What I always get from people is the same garbage, "Isn't it awesome to get paid to do nothing?". Mmmkay... no. No it isn't. It sucks because I feel like such a fraud. I don't feel like I'm headed anywhere in particular, and because of that I hate getting up in the morning (okay, so I always hate that... not a morning person).

Do I necessarily know what I want to do? No... but I'm pretty damned intuitive, and when the right opportunity rears its head, I will know.


life is war, but we're gonna make it

What else... a list.

1) While I used to be pretty envious of people with an obvious destination in life, I've just come to accept that I don't really have one. I don't have a two year plan. Or a five year plan. Or any plan (well, except for stuff I've already paid for which technically is planning... but I'll let that slide) for that matter. It's like everytime I try to make actual plans, I'm the one who ends up bailing. Commitment issues. Or maybe I just like to see where the night, or moment, or life takes me.

2) Haha... has anyone else noticed that I'm really not in that great shape anymore? I don't know what happened, exactly. Well, no, not true. After the last time I ran, my knee felt weird... and now if I go for long runs it hurts and I have to stop. So, no half marathons in my future for now. Instead, I've taken up playing soccer for the winter. Indoors.

3) So, I had this conversation with someone recently (was it you? I don't remember who with... too much beer) about whether or not I believe in god. The way I see it... I don't really know. If there is a god (yeah, no capitals here, people... that's just fucking asking for it), then he/she/it/whatever doesn't really do anything.I think there was a god in the beginning, but now it's just us, here to fend for ourselves and make the choices that we're gonna make. We're on our own, really. It's up to us if we're going to make it or not.

4) I sold out and got an iPhone. Don't fucking judge me... I'll high five you in the face with a shovel.

5) WTF... I have Warrant on my iPod? I'm like the biggest skid I know. I don't know what's worse, though, that or the fact that there's Justin Fucking Timberlake in there too.

6) Funny part of my weekend: getting random hangout texts from my friend, then he totally passes out on his phone. Out and out, I know the best people in life. In. Life.

7) It's almost sock weather. Nooooooo.


the world has turned and left me here

Sometimes you just run out of everything.

Sleep. Food. Clean clothes. Steam. Patience. Time.

Life's a little hectic right now. A lot of stuff has happened in the last few months, and I'm kind of just waiting for it to slow down. Or stop. Or something.
I feel like I'm in my head about a lot of things, but also sort of all over the place. I'm trying to keep everybody in my life as happy as I possibly can, but I'm spreading myself pretty thin doing it. I sleep too much. I sleep too little. I drink too much coffee. I drink too much alcohol. I wake up late. I wake up in the middle of the night. I make commitments I don't know how to keep. I make choices that complicate things. I over-analyze everything. I don't analyze things enough. I'm too good of a friend. I'm a terrible friend. I'm too intense. I'm too distant. I say all the wrong things. I come on too strong. I'm not decisive enough.

And I'm starting to run on fumes. I'm tired of trying to be everything to everyone and failing. I can only be who I am, whether or not every single person in my life is happy with who that is. I've spent the last ten fucking years of my life doing all that I can to try and become what I thought I wanted to become, only to realize this year that I've been very, very wrong about it. I don't want to sit around at a job that doesn't satisfy me just for a paycheque that doesn't even make me that happy anymore. I just want to get out there and have a fantastic life. I know. That's it. Underwhelming, considering that a full decade has gone by. And I realize that the revelation is probably a huge letdown to a lot of people. What can I say? I want to say I'm sorry that I couldn't live up to what all you guys wanted for me... but the thing is that I'm not really sorry at all. Not about not wanting this so-called life I've created for myself. I am, however, sorry about a myriad of other things.

I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend to those who have stuck by me over the years.

I'm sorry for making knee-jerk decisions that have hurt people that I love.

I'm sorry for acting like I've had better things to do with my time when I really haven't.

I'm sorry for leading you astray.

I'm sorry for leading you on.

I'm sorry for not loving you enough.

I'm sorry for loving you too much.

Basically, what you are looking at now is the bare bones of what I am and what I'm going to become. All that's left. But what's left is what's still good about me. I didn't like the kind of person I was becoming, but now I don't have to become that person anymore. I haven't felt this free in a long time.


true story

I chose you because I want to keep feeling fucked up, and crazy, and out of control, and completely overwhelmed about you for as long as I possibly can.


dirtbag life

Ah, blog. How I've missed you. I know I don't update this thing much, but every once in awhile I have something to say that no one gives a shit about, so it's always good to have.

Lately, I'm kind of a train wreck. I'm saying this in comparison to last year, when I was at my best. This year started off okay, but it's been a shaky one for sure. Particularly throughout the summer. I've been trying to stay in shape, but recently I think my weight loss may have more to do with not eating properly and binge alcoholism than actually training for anything. I still run, but not seriously. In fact, I'm in my own head about a ton of things these days, and it comes across as that I'm a little all over the place right now; erratic and non-committal.

One good thing is that I'm definitely forging stronger relationships with certain people- being a little better at not falling off the face of the Earth for long periods of time and not telling anyone where I've gone. I'm also taking the time to evaluate the role of certain others in my life- people who I might be ready to move on from. But I think the major shift in me of late has more to do with the realization that I may be getting too comfortable, too settled into a routine. And even though it may seem to everyone like that's a good thing... I see it more as that I'm starting to lose who I am. And I'm aware that that's what is truly at the heart of all of this 'running rad in the streets' business that has been going on with me over the past little while. You'd assume that with everybody settling down around me it would seem logical for me to do the same... and hell yeah, it might be nice to settle down someday, but I've given it a lot of serious thought over the past week or so, and there's just something deep down that tells me it is not the time... so it seems that I've got some hard choices to make. This all sounds so melodramatic, but I've got to make sure that I don't let the person I truly am slip away in the interest of making everybody else around me happy. Because that would be easy, but you can't please everyone all the time.

It's weird how one conversation can change everything so drastically. A couple of months ago I sort of thought I knew what I wanted... and then just a little over a week ago, it all came unravelled in one night. Sometimes you make the strongest connections with the most unexpected people. People who make you take a better look around. And I guess that I'm just not ready to give up my dirtbag ways. I'll never be ready to conform to the masses. I'm the kind of girl who just wants what she wants, when she wants it. I can't be bought, told, coaxed, or convinced. I won't always make the best choices. In fact, I know I still have a lot of fucking up to do... but it's not a bad thing. It's what keeps my heart beating.


we'll know where we are when we get there.


a) I bought a vacuum cleaner. Sure, it's probably a hell of a lot crappier than I can actually afford, but let's be honest here, I just need something to suck up all the dog fur that isn't a hand-vac. Do you know how long that takes even in an apartment of relatively small square footage? Like, a million years. Don't worry, though, I balanced my adult-type decision out with a few unnecessary purchases at ye olde community health food store.

b) Sometimes I read through ages old journals and realize what a truly fucked person I was. Not that I'm a super fantastic person currently, but I'm probably much closer to being Jesus now than I was in my 20s. It's been years and years since I've blackmailed anybody... I must be doing something right.

c) The boys who cheated on their girlfriends with me throughout the years were always way hotter than the ones who were actually my boyfriends.

d) It's funny that certain people are pretty much my best friends ever on Earth as long as we don't live in the same city... but then when we do? Not even an email requesting a random hangout. What the fuck? I'm starting to see some serious 'friends off' happening in the near future.

e) I think I might be having a midlife crisis about work versus school. I'm actually considering putting the condo on the market and taking a leave of absence from my job to go back to school full time so that I can become something really awesome in my 40s. This is probably a really horrible idea.

f) I need to join a gym.

g) A lot of people say that YYZ is really alienating, but I disagree. I feel more alienated and alone in YYC. Why no love for me, YYC? It's like you want me to leave.

h) There is no h). This blog post is all propaganda, anyway.



July 18th, 1950 - August 22nd, 2011

There are no words. This man took the NDP (my political affiliation of choice) to heights I never imagined achievable. He will be missed terribly not only in politics, but Canada in general. Godspeed, Jack.


blah blah this that blah blah is this thing even on?

Yeah, so I pretty much never post here anymore. I don't care; it's my blog, and I will post here (or not post here) whenever the fuck I feel like it. Too much time between posts = I am busy or there just isn't anything really worthwhile to post about.

But today I would like to go on a tiny little rant about something. And that thing is people who fake stupidity/naivete to get people to feel sorry for them, resulting in them getting something they want. Here's how it is... 19-year-old me would've been all over that. Like, hard core all over that. I mean, what's better than people just handing shit to you on a gilded fucking platter, even if it's a total pity party?

34-year-old me? I just think it's wrong. And by wrong, I mean wrong enough to rat those lousy folks out to someone. Okay, so if it's someone who I've confirmed is truly dumb (or truly lives under a goddamned rock), then whatevs. I can live with it because those types of peeps need a leg up sometimes or they're just gonna get hit by a bus for nothing. But I'm pretty observant. Make that very observant. I'm the kind of gal who just quietly takes everything in under the pretence of not noticing, but then forms very strong judgements based on those observations. You do NOT want to get on the bad side of someone like me. But that aside, I notice when people are just pretending not to know what's what, and I notice when they use this particular tactic to take advantage of others. For example, people who pretend to be way more ESL than they actually are, thus, getting people to help them with things (read: actually do the work for them) more than is truly required. WTF is that? I know I'm going to hell when I die... but apparently so are you.

I don't know where I meant to go with this other than STOP DOING THIS. It does not go unnoticed. And just because I haven't done it yet does not mean you are safe from me NARCing you out at some point. Because I WILL do it.

That's the end of my rant. True story.


the one that got away, post v-day edition.

Yeah, yeah, I should have posted this yesterday, but I was way too busy being single and awesome. Get over it. And just how did I spend my February 14th? Watching 'Terminator' and drinking hipster beer. What? I'm only pretentious about movies and beer when I'm in the presence of others. On my own, I am way less particular.

For the most part I've never been big into these pre-fab 'holidays', but I am certainly not against people celebrating them in the least; it just isn't really my cup of tea. Typically my Valentine's Days have been marred by the following: being in a terrible relationship, being just recently single, being hit on by people I have absolutely no interest in dating, and being in the company of overbearing male friends who insist on cock-blocking me. So really, it has nothing to do with the yearly love-in itself... it's all been circumstantial (and perhaps it also highlights my need to have less overbearing male friends).

ANYWAY. A long time ago when I was a super awkward, skinny, big-haired, giant early 90's glasses-wearing 14-year-old, I met this guy. 'Oh, 'this guy'', you say. Just understand that it was kind of a big deal at the time. I met him because I was taking swimming lessons (I've known how to swim since I was 4, but up until I was around 16 or 17 I took lessons every summer because my mom thought that if I didn't participate in some kind of activity during that time, I would begin running delinquent in the streets), and he was the instructor. Yeah. I know, right? He was 18 and had just graduated from high school. He drove this silly little white mini-pickup truck (I don't know the technical term for those... is there one?) with his name as the license plate. He was tall-ish, kind of skinny, with dark hair, and this cute, goofy smile. And I was seriously fucking head over heels for him. Like, retardedly so. Plus, he kinda liked me. At first my best friend told me that he HAD to like me because I was in his swimming class. Protocol or something. I knew better, though, because he laughed at my jokes extra hard, winked at me when the other kids weren't looking, and hung around after lessons to chat with me.
Of course, there was that pesky age difference which made it impossible for anything to really happen. So for the next 5 years, I spent my spare time volunteering and teaching lessons at the pool with him. I managed to procure a phone number and even an address (he gave it to me so I could send him a postcard from Japan one time). We flirted and made eyes at eachother, but it never progressed beyond that. By then, he had a girlfriend (someone he had met from the university rowing club), and it all seemed pretty hopeless. I ended up taking a year off after high school, and though we still saw one another around now and then, I figured that was that. By my 1st semester of university that fall, I'd pretty much forgotten about him entirely, and was in the process of trying to date a guy who I'd met over the summer. Then one day as I was on my way to my morning archaeology lecture (shut up... it totally seemed like a good idea at first), I heard someone calling my name. I looked around, and there he was standing by the doors of the science building, so I walked over to say hi. He asked how I was, how my classes were going (he mentioned that he was in the final year of his bachelor's degree), and lastly asked if I would like to go for coffee with him some time. This is the important part of the story (obviously) because, as I would much later realize, this was the very moment that I'd wanted all along. All of that innocent flirting had turned out to be legitimate, and he'd been waiting for me to turn 18 the whole time. He then scrawled his number onto a piece of paper ("Just in case you don't still have it"), and told me to call him.

But I didn't. I never did. I don't know why. Probably because I was young and stupid, and pursuing someone else (by the way, that turned out to be a complete and utter waste of time... but that's another blog post entirely). And the truth of the matter is that it's probably the single thing in life I fully regret; you know, if I could have one 'do over', what would it be? That kind of thing. I never got to have a first date with the guy who I spent all of my high school years adoring; the one guy who bothered to wait 5 years so I could actually go out with him. Shit, that's downright romantic, isn't it? But my fucking 18-year-old brain couldn't process it at the time. Man, do I ever wish that I'd been tuned in back then. I could've been all like, 'Holy shit, this is what every girl dreams about', and then who knows? It might have been one for the ages, but instead just turned into the classic 'one that got away' story.

And I've been sitting on this story until now. So, consider yourselves lucky to have heard it. Hopefully my 34-year-old self will never let anything like it happen again, or else I'm likely to become the crazy dog lady.

That would suck.


where the f*** is our snowpocalypse?

I promise I'm still blogging. Sort of. I realize I haven't really posted anything since the beginning of December, but still here! I think I'll just revert back to list format for this update since it's just easier that way.

a) Bad hair. Like, all around. I thought I'd be awesome and grow my hair out. You may or may not recall that I spent all of last year rocking a pixie-ish cut in various colours (not at the same time... I just changed hair colours every time I went in for a trim). Verdict? All that toner and dye has left my hair super fried. So I'm giving it a break and not cutting or colouring it until possibly June. I know. I don't think I can last that long, either. But for one thing, I basically cannot afford my hair stylist right now; she is beyond fantastic, but her prices are high... and I have to pay all my bills somehow. So, I guess growing my hair out is half out of necessity, and half out of poverty. Or wait... aren't they essentially the same thing?

b) Running. Yeah, I am still training for my eventual half marathon. Thing is, it's now been pushed from spring, to summer, to fall, and finally to winter. Well, technically it's still fall, since the official date is December 4th. The race is the Rock 'n' Roll Las Vegas Marathon. And... how exactly is training going? Kind of badly. My 10k running clinic started in the dead of winter, and I have discovered that I pretty much despise running in snow. So I tend to go on these shortened runs (like, 3-6k only), and of course hill training starts this week RIGHT after a 30cm + snowfall. Goddamnit. You know what? I have a lot of respect for seasoned athletes. They don't make all the excuses I make about why they can't train properly. They just do it. I guess, then, thank goodness no one is relying on me to do any of this but myself. And 'relying' is a pretty loose term in my case...

c) Interesting fact: I haven't purchased anything from Starbucks since the beginning of December. For true! It is part of my attempt to cut unnecessary spending. Is it helping? Um... not so much. I'm quite broke from Christmas, so I don't have a lot of extra cash lying around anyway. But I think it will help in the long run. I've been able to stretch $100 much further than if I was still buying Starbucks everyday. You'd be amazed how far $100 goes when you focus only on things you actually need. Which, in my case, is really not that much.

d) WTF, Superbowl? And I don't mean the game. My team, true to form, did not win... but I definitely think the better team won. Anyway, I'm actually speaking of the entertainment. BEP... really? So bad. And how about Lea Michele singing 'America the Beautiful'? I know people are raving about how great she was in comparison to Xtina (we'll get to that shortly), but that's just it. In COMPARISON. They must engineer the fuck out of her voice on 'Glee', because she sounds just awful live. And Xtina, dude... no amount of fancy vocal tricks can change the fact that you DON'T KNOW THE WORDS TO YOUR OWN NATIONAL ANTHEM! Oh man.

e) Don't you just hate creepy people with whom you have to share an apartment/condo complex? Ugh. Really, it's why I try my hardest NOT to associate with my neighbours unless I can't avoid it.