why i'm a bad friend, and not the same thing, part 5.

To be honest, I'm not the greatest friend ever. I don't mean that in the sense that I'm never there to help out when asked, or that I don't have the backs of my friends when someone threatens to dishonor them, but more in the way that I am that friend who really only appeals to a very specific sort of person. I'm kind of a jerk unless I'm around people like myself.

I know, right? You hate people like me; people with very few social graces. In fact, I hate people like me, because who really likes an asshole? I'm not sure what makes me this way, but I suspect that it's my relatively short attention span. I'm very bad at being invited to things where I am stuck being in one location for longer than 4 hours (I am a horrible dinner party guest, and usually take off right after dessert). I'm even worse at group activities where I am forced to mingle with the 'other' friends (this is not really my fault, though, because there is a reason that you are NEVER to let your separate groups of friends mingle), because I ALWAYS seem to find that one person I just can't see eye-to-eye with on anything within the first 5 seconds, and end up arguing with that person the whole time. I have trouble dealing with anybody as stubborn as myself, anybody who I have concluded is too stupid to bother conversing with, people who give me the vibe that they think they are better than I am, people who wear their political affiliations on their sleeves (I don't do politics), people who try to use religion as a common ground (I'm non-religious), and it all usually ends with me sitting in a corner drinking beer all by myself. To add insult to injury, I ALSO am that friend who promises to attend this or that, then unceremoniously bails on the day of the event because there's something else she'd rather do. Folks, it appears I am THAT friend. For the most part, it doesn't affect me in a negative way. I am fortunate enough to have a group of friends who are smart and independent, and we don't really rely on eachother for anything but the occasional get-together for a few drinks and a bite to eat, paired with meaningful (or not at all) conversation. So maybe there's no real harm done, since the stereotypical 'bad friend' probably doesn't even register in my social circle. But just in case, I am a GOOD friend because I will probably punch someone in the face for you (loyal), I eat meat (okay to invite over for a meal because I'm not one of those picky fuckers), I have a car (I can help you move... but ask first, don't assume), I always smell really nice (everybody likes a friend with good personal hygiene), and I have good hair. I'm not sure why having good hair would make me a good friend, but I assure you that it does. Trust me.


Not the same thing (part 5):



You know, just in case there was ever any confusion. I can't really imagine why there would be.


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